"Stream of consciousness"-type reflection on Pocket Autopsy

By LilacAmy11

(I want to work with these ideas further and turn them into a poem or something, but I wanted to just get this out there stream-of-consciousness style to see if anyone had any ideas about it, or if anyone else could take it and run with it)

I always have to have a big purse.
I really do.
I can't do little clutch bags or wrist-lets.
And as I'm sitting there thinking that I couldn't possibly get all the contents of my purse onto the scanner at the same time
(or even into one picture if I had to, unless I had, like, a panoramic view, or something)
I wonder why that is.
What is my attachment to Things

I've accepted the fact that I'm High Maintenance.
When I was younger, like in my late teens and early twenties, I tried to rebel against it because I wanted to be all aloof and artistic. I thought it was kind of cool do be Zen-like and not care about possessions. I still think it's kind of cool.
But now, in my 30s, I've grown to just accept who I am and go with it.
It's easier.
It makes me happier.
So I buy a big purse.

I guess it makes me feel more secure to have things with me.
I get nervous without all my things.
What if I need a Band-aid? Or an Advil?
And it's funny, because I live in Chicago, where if you were out and needed, say, Kleenex, there would be some convience store open within two blocks so you could buy it.
But I like having it WITH me.
My friends tease me about it, but they also love it because they know I'll be able to help them out with dental floss, or a pen, or a Rolaids if they need it.
I feel good being able to help my friends out when they need something.

That's another thing about me.
I really need to feel helpful and take care of people.
This is good, because I'm a school counselor, so I help people all day long.
But right now I find myself without a job due to a lot of reasons (mostly economic).
And I feel pretty useless.
So maybe if I can swoop in like some weird, anal-retentive super hero when my friend's strappy sandal is giving her a blister and solve the problem with a Band-aid from my ginormous purse,
I make myself useful.

So I'll just keep carrying my big purse with all my Stuff.
It's kind of like a security blanket, I guess.


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Created: Jul 27, 2010

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