Prisoners of Paradise

By RaroMapfumo

I dont want to be specfic about what this should be. I just want this to grow into a piece of it's own, so any voiceovers, acting, animation, compsing, photography etc completely welcome!

(I wrote this poem about a female conflicting with her past ways and wanting to change but not having the power to. In effect she is a prisoner of her own false paradise; a place that is comfortable and familiar to her but also destructive. The friends she has surrounded herself with are mainly to blame but she can't seem to get herself out of the loop. She anaylses her actions in parallel to the seven deadly sins.)

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The elaborate rituals within our group,
My unbalanced 'loving' gestures,
The once humourous trouble,
Now a consistant formidable menace.
My friend, complacency has been replaced by discontent.
Devouring and dragging me down.
In this moment.
This particular moment,
I have found myself in an intolerable situation.
Friends are the family that you choose.
I did not choose wisely,
But I could start again, start over, start afresh.

We are all prisoners in our own false paradise,
I don't admit my wrongs,
I won't show my fears,
I'l hide from everyone else and remain with a mirror.
My only truth.
I'll stand tall in the dark,
My silhouette up right,
And nobody will see the detailed scars I try to disguise.
Can I really be this self seeking?
This egocentric?
This Proud?

I want more for myself,
I want more than they can offer,
More than I have,
More than I need.
Meaterial goods will replace these people.
My belongings can't hurt me,
My posessions will cloud my conscience.
Only getting something, is really getting nothing.
I'll leave to have everything I want.
I'll grab it wit both hands,
I'll clench so tightly, I'll cut and bruise,
It's worth it.

Unleashing my wilder side has never been difficult.
For them I've risked my worth and reputation.
To look a man in the eye and say 'I love you' takes a distorted courage.
To reveal my inordinate cravings takes confidence,
So I get done, get gone and never leave a trace.
My conscience swims amoungst broken heart,
My own heart stays disconnected.
I am emotional assasin.
I cannot be tamed.

Despite giving everything I have,
It's not enough.
I can never love because of my prioritise.
What is to love anyway?
To be foolish? Defenseless?
Beneath my loyalty for them,
Lies an emotion for her that cannot be verbalised...
Her...
Her beauty deludes them all,
I found myself fixed to it once,
Fixed to the illusion she had created.
They see possibilities and mystery,
Her mystery only masks her hollowness.
I know better.

I've always known better!
But it would appear I'm insignificant!
They'll realise my importance when I'm gone!
I'll disappear like the changing winds!
I'll be a tornado and tear through them!
I cannot contain the explosives in my chest!
The rumbling rage that pumps through my vessels!
The loss of composure as I spiral beyonce my own control!
I am not a force to be reckoned with!
My actions speak where my words fail!

I will carry only my own weight
And not the weight of the world.
I am rapidly losing energy.
My body has the strength to act,
My mind will not follow as smoothly.
I ought to sit here for the rest of my life
And watch my life flash before my eyes.
I'll stare into my mirror long enough to find the old me.
Or I'll lay in bed and comtemplate my options like a bedridden patient.
My only illness is weakness.
My inability to escape the cure and the cause.

I'll try and fill this empty space,
And consume food endlessly.
My hunger for freedom, success, love
Has merely become hunger.
It limits my emotions,
Supresses my actions,
Momentarily silences my thoughs.
I make myself sick, I sicken myself.
But I can never leave,
Not now.
Friends may be the family we choose.
Mine cannot be the family I choose to get rid of.
We are all so dependant.
Prisoners of Paradise.

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Prisoners of Paradise

Created: Jul 23, 2010

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