My personal thoughts on love...
To many times love is like looking into a pool... You see what you project coming back at you, and you think it's coming from the other person. But it isn't. It's an illusion.
But that can be OK. Because the point of loving isn't to be loved in return. The point of loving is to give something of yourself to someone or something that improves it, and improves you by the giving.
If you really love someone, you want what's best for them. For them to be happy. Not for you to seek your own happiness through them. Sometimes you aren't the best thing for them, and they aren't the best thing for you. But sadly, love doesn't follow logic. And we love recklessly, and stay over long in relationships that damage us hoping to squeeze one last drop of hope and joy from the rind before it rots completely...
And too often we dwell on the sour instead of the sweet. We do not say "These are the joys I shared, the things I learned, the lessons I taught." Instead we scream out our anger and hurt and fear and try to forget we ever loved. That we were so foolish to reach out to that person who left us behind.
In this men and women are, I think, wired differently. Because when a relationship ends all the hopes and dreams and plans a woman had made from the time she first accepted him into her life are now trashed. Women have the tendency to plot so far in advance, they have their children's names picked out before they've had their first real kiss. And even when she's the one that kicked him out, she's the one who often has the hardest time moving on. Of course not all women are like this, nor all men, but I've seen it enough to see this pattern more often than not.
The loss of hopes and dreams for both, as well as the loss of touch, sound, taste of another...the ability to share something with someone who would understand the context from other such shared moments... The comfort of another person in the room so you don't have to do it all on your own... That's the real heart break. Not the loss of love.
Because love isn't finite. It doesn't begin and end with that person. It is infinite. A parent with ten children doesn't love any one of them less because there are ten, or would have loved a single child more if the other nine weren't there. Finances might have been better, time might not have been so tightly parceled out ... but love itself is not diminished by loving more. The capacity of love is limitless.
But so is fear.
And it is fear that keeps us from loving more than not finding someone to love. Fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of exposing ourselves to someone who will hurt us.
And so we sit, you and I, on the cusp of longing and wanting to love and be loved, and fear.
Let's hold hands and jump together and try, shall we? Or...maybe try next week... It looks like it might rain today...
Created: Apr 20, 2009Document Media