Jesus & the T-Rex: A Haiku

By fallingalice

Note: I apologize in advance for this craziness.  No offense is intended…only silliness.


 


Palm Sunday arrived


Jesus knew his end was near


Bravely mounting Rex


 


Together they rode


T-Rex and God’s Only Son


Into certain death


 


The crowds cheer for both


Palms at the dino’s talons


The pals were not fooled


 


Prince of Peace smiled


Forgiving the sins to come


Rex was not so kind


 


“Hypocrites!” he roared.


Tiny arms flailed in fury.


“I should eat you all!”


 


“Chill the fuck out, dude.”


Jesus had a way with words.


“It’s all good, for realz.”


 


“You should rephrase that…


Try ‘they know not what they do.’


People will quote you.”


 


“Pfffft.  Whatever, Rex.


Oh, look!  Here’s Judas!  What up?!”


Rex hated Judas.


 


“Be cool,” said Jesus.


“But he’s such a douche!” Rex whined.


“Just wait til Thursday.”


 


“Jesus! My main man!”


Who does that?  I mean, really?


Rex tried not to sigh.


 


“Having a party!


Come and turn water to wine…


It will be DA SHIT!”


 


God, what an asshole.


You won’t inherit the earth.


“…bitches love magic!”


 


I dare you, Rex thought.


Make one more shitty comment.


“Bro!  Walk on water!”


 


Dino blood boiled


And Judas popped his collar


For the final time.


 


A mighty bellow


Gleaming teeth—wait, where’s Judas?


“Tastes just like chicken!”


 


Jesus was quite pale.


“Shit, my dad’s gonna kill me!


…well, not anymore.


 


“Rex, you’ve fucked it up!


I can’t rise if I don’t die!


You broke history!”


 


“I’m sorry, Jesus.


I just really hate that guy.


He was such a douche.”


 


“You don’t know the plan.


So just don’t hurt people.


You don’t know their worth.”


 


“So what do we do?”


Lo!  A voice rang from on high:


“Fuck it—we’ll start fresh!”


 


And so it was done.


God created a reboot


And it was…decent.


 


But God punished Rex


For he had been all judgey


And carnivorous.


 


And God was like, “No!


I told you people before!


You cut that shit out!”


 


So He split the friends


Separated by the years


Grounded forever


 


Dinos and humans


Forced to different ages


Never played again.


 


After, God looked down


Thinking it was for the best


Raptors had made bad priests.


 


But we remember


The important lesson that


Rex learned on that day:


 


Unless you are God,


Don't fucking be all judgey


And don't be a dick.


 


:)


 


 


 

Document
Jesus & the T-Rex: A Haiku

Created: Nov 21, 2012

Tags: satire, dinosaur, jesus, haiku

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