Jesus & the T-Rex: A Haiku

By fallingalice

Note: I apologize in advance for this craziness.  No offense is intended…only silliness.


Palm Sunday arrived

Jesus knew his end was near

Bravely mounting Rex


Together they rode

T-Rex and God’s Only Son

Into certain death


The crowds cheer for both

Palms at the dino’s talons

The pals were not fooled


Prince of Peace smiled

Forgiving the sins to come

Rex was not so kind


“Hypocrites!” he roared.

Tiny arms flailed in fury.

“I should eat you all!”


“Chill the fuck out, dude.”

Jesus had a way with words.

“It’s all good, for realz.”


“You should rephrase that…

Try ‘they know not what they do.’

People will quote you.”


“Pfffft.  Whatever, Rex.

Oh, look!  Here’s Judas!  What up?!”

Rex hated Judas.


“Be cool,” said Jesus.

“But he’s such a douche!” Rex whined.

“Just wait til Thursday.”


“Jesus! My main man!”

Who does that?  I mean, really?

Rex tried not to sigh.


“Having a party!

Come and turn water to wine…

It will be DA SHIT!”


God, what an asshole.

You won’t inherit the earth.

“…bitches love magic!”


I dare you, Rex thought.

Make one more shitty comment.

“Bro!  Walk on water!”


Dino blood boiled

And Judas popped his collar

For the final time.


A mighty bellow

Gleaming teeth—wait, where’s Judas?

“Tastes just like chicken!”


Jesus was quite pale.

“Shit, my dad’s gonna kill me!

…well, not anymore.


“Rex, you’ve fucked it up!

I can’t rise if I don’t die!

You broke history!”


“I’m sorry, Jesus.

I just really hate that guy.

He was such a douche.”


“You don’t know the plan.

So just don’t hurt people.

You don’t know their worth.”


“So what do we do?”

Lo!  A voice rang from on high:

“Fuck it—we’ll start fresh!”


And so it was done.

God created a reboot

And it was…decent.


But God punished Rex

For he had been all judgey

And carnivorous.


And God was like, “No!

I told you people before!

You cut that shit out!”


So He split the friends

Separated by the years

Grounded forever


Dinos and humans

Forced to different ages

Never played again.


After, God looked down

Thinking it was for the best

Raptors had made bad priests.


But we remember

The important lesson that

Rex learned on that day:


Unless you are God,

Don't fucking be all judgey

And don't be a dick.






Jesus & the T-Rex: A Haiku

Created: Nov 21, 2012

Tags: satire, dinosaur, jesus, haiku

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