To my girl on her birthday
Today is my girls birthday and this is a love letter to her. She's 98% perfect to me, and no, the 2% is not the part that disagrees with me. I adore that she stands up for herself...but on with my thoughts...
My girl was conceived stubborn.
I'm serious. I was on three types of birth control when I conceived her and her twin. Not knowing I was pregnant I worked 20 hour days in the cannery in Valdez. I started getting suspicious, but, working so hard doesn't really give you much room for deep thought.
My girl remained stubborn.
I lost the twin just about the time I accepted I was pregnant. I was sad, but not unduly so. It wasn't meant to be. We were so poor, working so hard...for gosh sakes we were living in a tent at the time. It was high summer by then and I was taking allergy meds and drinking a lot. Not because I'm a big drinker but because when you are only getting four to six hours a sleep a day and don't use drugs or smoke pot like the other cannery workers you need something to help you relax. But my girl was still there.
Apparently she decided to send me a clue. I started vomiting a lot. A LOT. Since I was in my second trimester this was a bit unusual for a pregnant person, and besides, as I told my doctor, I wasn't pregnant anymore. So we looked for other things. Just before they were going to do a dye test the doctor decided to do a pregnancy test to be on the safe side. As soon as the test results came back...I stopped vomiting.
She held out against disease.
My OB was terrible. At my first check up he said that I shouldn't gain any weight. At five foot nine and 180 lbs "Most obese women miscarry." He told me.
He also did a blood test that came back positive for toxoplasmosis, a disease that put both myself and the baby at risk, and decided not to share that information with me or take any precautions. (The disease manifested in my eye, and I told the doctor I was seeing 'flocks of sparrows' out of the corner of my eye in January, he told me that 'eye problems are normal for pregnancy' without ever looking at it. I had a cut in my eye and the 'sparrows' were blood and pus floaters. I had my girl in April, and wasn't treated til August. I have only peripheral vision in that eye now due to scar tissue.) Because of the disease calcium deposits formed in the placenta.
My girl was born stubborn.
Not really sure when she was conceived we weren't really sure when she was going to be born. Any time between March and May was a crap shoot. On April 15th her father and I got in a big fight. We fought all night and made up around five in the morning. Around five thirty the first contraction hit. I started to fall back asleep and about six the next one hit. About the time he got up for work I was pretty sure this was the real deal.
All day I had her banging on the door to be let out... but she was stuck. I called the hospital and told them the baby was stuck, but since I was a first time mother they didn't believe me. On the 17th I'd had enough of calling them and them telling me to wait. I was done waiting, and so was my girl. We arrived at 11 am and my doctor was upset that I got there just before lunch. (Such a lovely man, no?) "Call me when she's ready." He said and left.
Got undressed, got on the bed, nurse checks out what's going on and said...."Oh, your rimmed." A slip of a finger and my girl was down and out the chute at 11:30.
My girl was holding out for a reason...
The cord was wrapped around her neck twice and being rimmed saved her life. With the hospital telling me to wait all those times I would have had her at home and we wouldn't have known what to do with a purple non-breathing baby. The medical team quickly got her breathing and whisked her away.
After she was all cleared they brought her to me and I learned how to feed her and checked her out. Mine, mine, mine... She was funny looking with a sunrise stork bite on her eye and one between her eyes...sort of like a spider monkey in form and figure...but mine. At least for the moment. We had decided to give her up and had a family picked out. Her father changed his mind at the last moment, literally, and I was so happy he did, though I knew we'd be poor for the rest of our lives.
Because they were monitoring her they took her back to the nursery...but that didn't last long. In a sound sleep my phone in my room started to ring...It was the nursery. "Can we bring her to your room, she's keeping the other babies awake." They said. They wheeled her bassinet into my room and I put down the guard rail so I could sleep with one hand on her back. This quieted her and she slept soundly after that.
She just wanted me as much as I wanted her.
Now's she's all grown up and I haven't seen her in two years. I missed her wedding even since I was down here taking care of my own mother. But she still makes my heart sing, and whenever I talk to her or even see her photograph I feel so much joy to have her in my life.
Happy birthday, my beautiful stubborn girl.
Created: Apr 17, 2009Document Media