Look, I know we don't talk much... ever. I mean, I go to church and all, but it just doesn't interest me. I know you're there, and I know you aren't proud of me, and right now it doesn't matter. I'm sorry. So I'm writing this to ask about Elenitsa... how's she doing? I miss her so much... she was the one ray of hope that had ever shined my way, and you took her from me. I see the videos now, and I'm devastated at the fact that I didn't spend every waking second of my life with her. School didn't matter as much, neither did my games. I should've been there for her every second of my life. Of her life. It's a heartbreak that never goes away... and it's a wound that will never heal. I don't know what I did to deserve such pain, at such a young age. It destroyed me. I carried the burden of death, the death of my heart, through my development, through puberty, through times where the only thing I should think of is getting the math homework. Yes, it was the death of my heart; because she was my heart. She was all I ever asked of you, God. Ever. And you took her from me. I had 2 years with her. And you ripped her from my arms. My life wasn't turned upside down; it was destroyed. It was wrecked beyond repair, and now for the rest of it I can do nothing but walk through the path I was chosen to walk, waiting for the day I die. Just like she did... she suffered, God. Why did you make her suffer? And I stood by, doing nothing. We all did. We never could've known. I never could've prepared myself for such a blow to the chest. This is a pain that no other man should feel... that no one deserves. It's as though a fishing line is being cast down my throat, with barbed wire as bait, aiming for my heart, and its trying to pull it out of my mouth. I would much rather die. But I wouldn't kill myself. It would ruin any chance I have of ever seeing my sister again. Please, God, take care of her. Make her happy. It's all I ever wanted...
P.S.- Tell her I love her. And I'll be with her before she knows it.
Created: Jul 17, 2010Document Media